cutecat25

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cutecat25 last won the day on December 19 2014

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  1. Constant full bladder sensation

    Thankyou for the information. The dr did send the urine for culture and it came back normal. Did your constant full bladder sensation ever completely go away? Would you say your able to live a normal life?
  2. I realise now how ungrateful I must have come across in this post. These past three weeks i've been dealing with some physical health issues, and it has really put things into perspective. I cannot believe a couple of months ago I was complaining that I felt low and depressed because my vacation of a lifetime was over. I'm glad you had a nice night out with your friends, maybe you can try and organise to get together once a month?
  3. One evening, three weeks ago I started feeling as if I constantly needed to urinate, even after I had emptied my bladder. I went to the DR, did a urine test, which showed microscopic blood but no infection. A week later the DR retested and the blood had gone, so he sent me for an ultrasound. My bladder and kidneys appear normal, but the ultrasound did show an ovarian cyst which i'm currently getting checked out. It's been three weeks and i'm still dealing with this constant full bladder sensation. I've been reading about people with interstitial cystitis who have dealing with this for 11 plus years, and now i'm convinced i'm going to have to live with this symptom for the rest of my life. I already deal with countless other physical symptoms, and the thought of having to live the rest of my life feeling like my bladder is full, is unbearable. I can't understand how at 24, most people my age are at the prime of their lives, healthy and happy, where as I seem to be constantly dealing with some sort of physical symptom. Has anyone else dealt with a constant full bladder feeling, and had it get better over time?
  4. Thankyou for your replies! It's been a rough week, I know I should be grateful for the experience, which I am! But I just cannot help but feel down and confused. I thought this trip would help me find myself, but it's actually done the opposite. I'm now more confused about the direction of my life, than I was before my trip. I loved Canada so much, i've even been considering the idea of living there for a while, but that idea terrifies me, more than it excites me. I guess i feel so low, because i'm 24, and I had a lot of hope that this trip would help me decide what to do with me my life, now i'm absolutely clueless as to where i should go from here.
  5. So early this morning I got back from a 3 week vacation in Canada and the USA. This trip has been on my bucket list for the past 5 years, and I finally bit the bullet and decided this was the year I was going to do it, despite my anxiety. The entire trip I just couldn't accept what was happening was real. I had to keep pinching myself, because the experiences I had just felt too good to be true. I'm home now, and I feel so low. I keep randomly crying, and everything seems unfamiliar, even my bedroom. I had an amazing time, and am so proud of everything I achieved (including a 15 hr flight alone), but I just hate that today I am feeling so awful. Why does this happen? When something good happens in my life, I cant accept it's real, and then once it's over I get extremely emotional. Has anyone else felt this way?
  6. The one thing that has been successful in controlling my anxiety symptoms is benzodiazepines. Now, I know many people have negative judgments toward this type of medication, and I respect that, but I have tried almost every other long term medication out there, and benzos have been the one and only thing that have had any positive effect. I still haven't found a Doctor who is supportive of benzos, and whilst I can completely understand their concerns, I wish they could put themselves in my shoes. The fact that I have decreased my dosage from 30mg, to 15mg, AND I break the tablet into quarters/halves, should be enough reassurance, that I do not have addiction issues, No addict would decrease their dose, they would be doing the exact opposite. Each time I go to get a new prescription, my anxiety is unbearable. I never know whether the doctor will prescribe them to me or not, and i've even had doctors accuse me of being an addict. No one deserves to feel like a criminal, because they simply asked for something that helps them, and dramatically improves their quality of life. Just because a minority of people abuse the drug, why should the rest of us suffer? Painkillers, cigarettes and alcohol are addictive, and yet they are readily available to anyone, while benzodiazepines are prescribed in a controlled environment, under the supervision of a doctor. So I can't see the problem in continuing to prescribe them, as long as the patient never goes over the prescribed dose. I have gone from taking 30mg 3-4 times a week, to taking a quarter/or a half of a FIFTEEN mg tablet 3-4 times a week. I don't even take them everyday. Even this huge reduction in my dose still wont convince doctors that I am responsible, and am not abusing the drug. I wish I could find one GP, who had a little compassion and didn't automatically label me an addict, just because I ask for something that improves the quality of my life. Any other long term benzo users been treated badly by doctors?
  7. My job causes me a lot of anxiety. I work at a nursing home in the kitchen, and although i have been there for a year, there is still so much to learn. I usually work the short shift, and i'm generally pretty confident in doing that, but tomorrow is my first long shift, and with that comes a lot more responsibility. It doesn't help that whenever I am under pressure I blank out. I appear stupid and incompetent. I have a really terrible short term memory and extreme brain fog as well, which makes it difficult to process new information. I am trying to not let myself get so worked up, as I know this is something i have to face eventually, but I can't help but feel terrified. I never knew working in a kitchen at a nursing home could be so stressful. Trying to remember 75 plus residents names and dietary requirements, being responsible for cooking the food at the correct temperature. There are so many things to remember, and if i give someone the wrong meal the consequences could be fatal. I really want to overcome this work anxiety, I hope eventually things get easier. Does anyone else have this issue, where they appear incapable of doing something whilst anxious? I have dealt with this issue for quite some time now, and it really effects my life significantly. Sometimes i think i have a learning disability, but i'm almost 24, and I figured by now, someone would of picked up on it.
  8. Thank you everyone, the first flight went pretty well, I actually enjoyed parts of it! The flight back was a little rough, but not a complete disaster.
  9. Thankyou Jon, your advice is always helpful
  10. Hey everyone, I hope your all doing well. I'm going on a 2 hour plane journey tomorrow and it will be the first time i'm flying alone. I'm very nervous, I struggle a lot with dizziness as well as other crazy symptoms and i'm worried about feeling that way on the plane. I also worry people will notice me panicing and there will be no where to go and hide. I'm also extremely anxious about the airport, not knowing exactly what to do, or where to go and possibly missing my flight or being stranded somewhere. It's only a two hour flight, and i've loaded up my ipod with relaxation audios, comforting music etc, I also have my benzos which I will be taking before boarding, but I was wondering if anyone else had ever flown alone with anxiety, and if so could offer any advice. Thankyou in advance!
  11. She's leaving tonight and moving to another state. I miss her so much already, and it physically hurts to think about what my life is going to be without her. Although she doesn't completely understand anxiety, she is my safe person. She is the only person in my life who I feel 100% comfortable around. I have a handful of other friends, but I only see them maybe 1-2 times every couple of months. They aren't close friendships like I have with my best friend. I don't know how i'm going to cope without her, I feel completely empty, like a light has been dimmed in my life. I know we have social media to keep in contact, and I can go and visit her, but because of my anxiety, that will be very difficult. When she was living near by, sometimes we would go weeks without seeing each other, but just knowing she was close, gave me comfort. I work and volunteer, so that will keep me somewhat busy, but what else am I going to do? Any suggestions on how I can learn to live without her living close by? I'm doing my best to remind myself of the positives. This is going to really test me, and as a result I will grow stronger emotionally. But I cannot help but feel this deep, dark emptiness inside of me. It's selfish, I know. I should be happy for her, but instead i'm thinking about how her gain is my loss... This is the third friend to have moved away, I just don't understand why everyone eventually leaves
  12. Thank you so much everyone. It's getting close now. 5 more days. I'm doing my best to prepare, and stay positive, but i'm really worried about directing the couple. In the past i have never been the greatest at trying to pose people, and although i have a collection of poses i can refer to on my ipad , i cant keep using my ipad on the day as it will look unprofessional. My boss at my other job told me to fake it until i make it, so hopefully if i fake confidence, i'll start to feel it. I really appreciate all of your advice
  13. Thank you Jonathan and Mark. I really hope it"ll go well. I hate this feeling of dread, I need to find a way to look forward to new opportunities, rather than fear them.
  14. I am completely freaking out, now that the wedding is so close. I have only ever photographed a "mock" (fake) wedding before and that was stressful enough. I am trying to think positive but the thoughts about ruining someones special day keep coming back into my mind. If i don't capture these photos correctly, that's it. We will never have a chance to recapture them again. I have done many photo shoots in the past, and whenever i need to pose people, my mind always goes blank, and i cannot think straight. The bride knows it's my first wedding, so at least she is aware that i'm not experienced, but I just don't want to mess this up. Most wedding photographers charge over $1000, but because of my lack of experience i asked for $500, and even then, I feel like that is too much. I really want to do the wedding for free, as that would put less pressure on me, but if i mention that to her, she will realise how little confidence i have in myself. Oh gosh, why did I get myself into this? I am so, so, sooo anxious!!! I have my friend assisting me and she is so positive. Saying what a great opportunity it will be, and how we will be able to put the photos in our folios. But whenever i tell myself positive thoughts, the negative ones creep back in.
  15. I started a new job a few months ago at an aged care home. These past three days I have been doing the breakfast shift, which I have never done before. I feel so incompetent, i struggle so hard to follow instructions, like if the chef asks me to prepare the desserts i immediately freak out and think "how many desserts should I prepare?" "How do i present them?" Etc. My mind goes blank so often during each shift, and compared to my other co workers i am incredibly slow. I know my other co workers have worked there for longer periods than me, but I can't ever imagine being able to remember things such as: all the residents names, their dietary requirements, where they sit for meals etc. If someone doesn't give me step by step, descriptive instructions I find it very difficult to follow through. Another thing I have noticed over the past year is I have been finding it very difficult to focus or concentrate on a task. For example reading a book. I used to love reading now I can barely make it through a chapter of a book. Am I becoming stupid? If I had a learning disorder do you think it would've been picked up during my schooling years? Happy New Year, I hope you all have a wonderful 2016!