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About brit

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  • Birthday 04/06/1999

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    Massachusetts, America

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  1. Scared to go to College

    Thank you both for replying. It's been about a week and a half since I've moved. The first few days were tough, I had severe homesickness and once my roommate would go to sleep I would cry until I finally would fall asleep. It's been a bit better now that I've started my classes and have made a routine. Although, I just feel lonely all the time. I haven't made any new friends. I've talked to maybe one or two other people outside from my roommate, but its only in class. After I always just spend my days and nights in my dorm. My roommate is also pretty socially anxious (sometimes I think even more than me!) but that means she's usually in the dorm all the time so I never get time to myself anymore and its so exhausting. I feel like she holds me back in a way because she never really wants to do anything and I'm always nervous to do things by myself. Also since I'm with her 24/7 I have found myself getting increasingly annoyed at her. The smallest thing she can do has the power to piss me off for the rest of the day. I find myself trying to avoid her as much as possible and usually eat my meals alone in the dining hall because I'd honestly rather eat alone than spend even more time with her. The other day she had met some guy over the internet and she had him come to our dorm and she told me they would be walking around campus, but they ended up just staying in the dorm the whole time so I had to go somewhere for an hour or two. Later I had found out she took one of my cups and let him use it (I had just done the dishes!) even though she has her own cups he could have used. I don't mind sharing things with her, but random guys from the internet, not so much. She also always makes comments about how I talk to my high school friends a lot and I admit I do, but right now they're all I have and I don't want to lose their friendship ever! She also talks on the phone super loudly when I'm trying to do my work and I can't focus at all. I know I should confront her about this, but I don't want to hurt her feelings and I don't want to cause any tension considering we have to live with each other for the next year. The whole atmosphere of college just feels different and I don't like it. It seems the only way to really make friends is to go to parties, but I'm not a party person, there's way too many people and just sounds unpleasant. Also if you get caught, theres grounds for you to get kicked out. But people obviously party anyway and it seems theres drunk people running around every night, but since I don't do that, its like theres no way to make any friends. Everyone already has a group of friends, while I just literally spend all my time alone (technically with my roommate). I just don't know how to cope, I'm thinking of maybe contacting the mental health care services my college offers, but I just feel like this feeling will never go away, while everyone else just seems like they're having the best time in their life.
  2. Tomorrow is my last day home before I go off to college and I'm terrified! Even though the college I'm attending is only about 45 minutes away from where I live I'm still so scared to be living away from home. I don't make friends easily and on top of that I'm an introvert. I like my roommate, but the thought of living with someone else in such a small space sounds so mentally exhausting. I feel like I won't have any time to myself. Also, I only kind of know my roommate and that's it. I know no one else at the school and I'm going to be leaving all my friends and family behind. I know I'm probably overreacting, especially because my school is so close to home, but I just keep thinking about how nothing is ever going to be the same once I leave. I know change is good, but I honestly hate change, it's one of the main things that causes me to have anxiety. Has anyone else gone through this? And is there anything that can help? Thank you.
  3. Thank you both for replying! I ended up realizing it might be my blood sugar being low (sometimes that happens to me), so I went looking for something to eat that had sugar in it, but my friend didn't have anything, so I ended up finding her sugar and taking two tablespoons, and after a minute I started to feel better. I don't know if it was actually my blood sugar being low and that helping or me being under a placebo that it would help and it did. I've been okay today, just really tired considering I had school and work
  4. My anxiety has been pretty good for a while now, here and there I will get it pretty bad, but for the most part it's good. Tonight I'm having a sleepover at my friends house and for some reason my anxiety is really bad, I'm on the point of freaking out. Everyone's asleep and I don't know what to do, I fell really dizzy and I feel like I'm going to faint. And it's not just the anxious feeling that's getting to me, it's the fact that I feel really sick and weak. I'm so tired I just want to be able to sleep, especially because I have to get up in 4 hours to go to school. I hate getting anxiety while I'm at other people's houses (especially when no one is awake) because I feel trapped, theres nothing I can really do and at the same time I have to be carful not to wake anyone up. I just don't understand why it comes back so randomly, when I was literally fine until I went to go lay down to go to sleep. I really feel like I'm going to pass out and I'm really scared, and nothing is working
  5. Thank you both so much for the advice! I presented this morning and it went way better than I expected! I got a 96 out of 100 on my presentation, which is definitely not what I expected in the least. I was so nervous and I could feel myself shaking and stuttering when presenting, but after when the judges were telling me my grades, one of the judges said "where you anxious when you were presenting?" And I say "Oh yeah" but then she was like "Well I just wanted to let you know it wasn't noticeable at all! You looked confident and knew what you were talking about!" So, I'm really happy with what I got. I tried to remember what you both had said and it helped me a lot, so thank you. I'm just glad it's over with and that I passed. Now all I have to worry about is graduation!
  6. I'm a senior in high school, and my school requires everyone to do a senior project. In junior year we start the project by writing an eight page paper on a topic. Then in senior year we have to make a product that goes with our topic and then make a powerpoint. The final thing we have to do is present it in front of three judges. The presentation has to be between 10-20 minutes long and they judge you on how fluently you speak and how professional you are. Also someone is filming the whole thing. I did my project on anxiety disorders because obviously I know a lot about it and it's a familiar topic. I made a model of the brain outlining the different parts of the brain activated while having a panic attack and I also put together a sensory basket with adult coloring books, stress balls, relaxation music, and lotions inside of it. On Wednesday I am presenting in the morning and I'm so scared. I can't even stand to think about it for more than 5 minutes without throwing myself into a panic attack. If we fail this we do not get to graduate and we have to stay back. I am so scared that the other day I was realizing how close it was to the presentation and I had a full on mental breakdown. I was crying and I couldn't breathe, it went on for a good 20 minutes. I've been trying to practice presenting infront of my friends but I keep saying "um" and stuttering a lot. I also forget what I'm saying and can't collect my thoughts either, plus when I'm actually presenting I'll be in front of three judges and someone will be filming me so it will be a hundred times worse than just doing it with my friend. They take point off if you stutter and say "um" and if I forget what I'm saying they"ll take even more points off. I stutter even when I'm just talking normally with people. I am going to freak out, I can't do this at all. I've already been accepted to a college and am going to be going there and I can't afford to not graduate. I am feeling so sick about this. I'm probably going to get up in front of everyone and just start crying or throw up. I feel myself getting nasous just thinking about it now. I can't even do regular presentations infront of my class, so how do they expect me to be able to do this? I have no idea what to do and I have never been more anxious about something. I've been anxiously waiting for this day for almost 2 years and now it's finally here. I've tried to tell myself that they're just people and that a lot more scarier thing could be happening to me instead of just talking in front of people, but it's not working. I have no idea what to do and how to handle this situation.
  7. Friends don't understand

    Thank you for your advice, I agree with all of it! But it's just so hard sometimes because even they're mean, they are also good friends at times too and it gets so confusing. Also it's hard to drop them because I want to be their friend, it's almost like I have this attachment to them, I feel like I'm nothing without having them as friends.
  8. Two of my friends have never exactly treated me right. For instance they always tease me about everything and act like I'm stupid. It's so bad that even other people outside of my group of friends have noticed and said something. I know it's my fault for letting it keep going and not really sticking up for myself. But every time I try to tell them to stop they just think I'm being too sensitive and act like it's stupid. I understand I do tend to overthink things too much, but when a lot of other people notice, I know it's not just me. Usually I can deal with it, but lately they've been really mean. Both of them have gone through depression and panic attacks, and I've always been the one they come to for help and support. I one time ran for an hour in the dark to get tinny friends house because she was having a panic attack. I don't mind doing these things because they're my friends and I like to help them and be there for them, and I don't expect anything in return. But lately they've been really hostile towards me having anxiety. I'd just think after all the time I've helped them over the past two years they might try to do the same. I have really bad social anxiety, I've had it ever since I was little. I've made some progress, but a lot of things are still hard for me to do. So a couple weeks ago one of my friends was walking with me in the hallway on our way to class and she was saying "I always talk for you, you never talk for yourself." And I said "well, it's not my fault I have social anxiety" and then all of a sudden she starts getting all angry and she yells "shut up Britney! I don't want to talk about it!" And this caught me totally off guard, I had no idea why she got so mad. So I was like "what's wrong? Why are you mad?" And she just kept yelling "shut up! Stop talking about it!" So obviously I got angry and I didn't talk to her for the rest of the day. Then a couple days ago my friends and I were standing outside the bathroom during lunch and I actually had to go so I went in, but there was a lot of people in the bathroom so I came back out and told them that. And one of my friends was like "well are there people in the stalls?" And I said "I think so, it looks like there's a line." And my other friend then said "well did you ask them?" And I said "no" so she was like "we'll go in there and ask them." And I said "eh, it doesn't matter" and then my other friend's face gets really red and she yells" Oh my God, Britney!" And she grabbed her hair and started to stomp her feet. And I was like "whoa why are you so mad?" And she was like "shut up! Stop talking!" And then her and my other friend stormed off and of course I followed them and asked again why they were mad. And then I realized it's because I brought up my social anxiety. Usually I don't stick up for myself, but I was done with them getting mad at me for something I can't control. So I said "you know I was always there for you both when you had depression and I never got angry at either of you for it. So why are you getting mad at me for my problem?" And my friend was like "it's not even a problem" and I was like "yes it is, it's called social anxiety disorder and it's an actual mental illness" and she yelled at me again and was like "stop talking!" So at this point I was already emotional from getting the courage to say something so I started crying and had to go to the school counselor. Later one of my friends texts me and says she's sorry for making me cry. We started to talk about it and she said the reason she gets mad is because I always whine about my anxiety and I do nothing to help myself. She said she had social anxiety and she got over it. That made me really mad because I make an effort not to talk about my problems with my friends. The only thing I've said to them about my anxiety has been "I'm scared" before a presentation. I also pointed out to her, both times she got mad at me, I wasn't "whining" about my anxiety. Also I told her I go to counseling to try to help myself and maybe having supportive friends would help me even more. Then she changes what she was saying and says that I actually whine about everything and when I asked what she said we'd all talk about it soon. I'm just so hurt by this because I've stuck by them through their depression and have helped as much as I possibly can, but then they just get angry when I have a problem? One of them is still not talking to me and it's just making me really upset and I feel like I have no one. Sorry this is so long, I just needed to rant!
  9. Flu Shot

    Hey guys, I got my flu shot about 6 hours ago. I was very scared and had one of my co workers come up to the director of nurses with me to get it. The shot itself was fine, I didn't even feel it go in. But I was so anxious about getting it my blood sugar dropped a lot and after getting it I got really pale, luckily I didn't faint though. But for 3 hours now my stomach has been feeling really sick and I almost threw up 3 times at work. I'm really hungry, but the thought of eating is making my stomach turn. I'm not sure if this is just anxiety or one of the side effects from the shot, since on my consent form it said this is a side effect. I'm just trying not to worry about becoming more sick. I googled (shame on me) if other people have experienced this and a lot of people have said they've started off like this but it had gotten worse to a fever and being stuck in bed for a few days. I know that's way better than the actual flu, but I'm so scared I'll have a really bad reaction.
  10. Flu Shot

    Thank you both for the advice, I know I shouldn't worry about it, but ever since I was little I've tried to avoid shots as best as I could. However I've decided I'm just going to do it and get it over with. Hopefully I can keep my worries at bay, I just know I'm most likely going to be on high anxiety mode for the week following, but I'll try to keep reminding myself that it's just anxiety and it can't hurt me.
  11. Flu Shot

    I have never gotten the flu shot before and I've never gotten the flu either, but I work in a nursing home and I am recquired to get a flu shot, and if I don't I have to wear a surgical mask for the whole flu season. I am terrified of needles and I know a lot of people who have gotten the flu after getting the shot. I'm scared if I get the shot I will get the flu and I can't afford to miss school or work. I know I could just wear a mask, but I find it really hard to breathe in them and I feel very restricted in them. Also one part of my job is I have to serve some of the residents their dinner, and I feel it will be hard to talk with a mask on my face, and if I were them I would think the person wearing a mask is sick and I wouldn't want them handling my food. So this just seems like a no win situation. Also if I get the flu shot and even if I don't get the flu afterwards, I know my anxiety will be high waiting for symptoms to start and I just don't know what to do.
  12. Don't know what's wrong

    I agree with what you are saying and the rational side of me knows it's most likely true, but I just can't shake off the feeling of thinking it's not just anxiety. I've been feeling sick throughout the whole day for 4 days. I feel so weak and dizzy all the time, I just don't want to do anything. My doctor thinks it's anxiety too though, but she said she'll look through the blood test results again to make sure nothing was missed. If everything is normal she wants me to try to take some mild anti-anxiety medication, and see if that helps with the symptoms I'm feeling. But I'm really scared of taking new medications, so I don't know if I even want to do that. I know I should trust my doctor, but this doesn't feel like anxiety. I know you said it's because it could be stronger this time and even a different form, but I don't know. For example, when I usually get anxiety its the fast heartbeat, shallow breaths, shaking, etc. But this feeling is way different. I don't feel anxious at all, I just feel sick. My parents even say I've been looking pretty pale lately, I'll go from looking a normal color to pale in a matter of a few minutes. It almost feels like all my energy has been drained
  13. Basically every night I feel light headed and weird, but usually it's not bad and it goes away after a little while. But for the past 3 days I have been feeling a much more intense version of that all day on and off, like it would be really bad and then it would get a little better and then it would get really bad again. I never really know how to explain the feeling. It just feels like I'm about to get really dizzy, but I'm stuck in that phase, without actually becoming dizzy. These past 3 days have been really bad with it though. I have been really weak and my face has been pale, and my parents were even concerned. I vomitted yesterday in the morning, so I figured maybe I have the stomach bug or something, but I could eat normally for the rest of the day and never vomitted again. Near the end of the night I felt a lot better, but when I woke up this morning that light headed feeling was really bad and I was really pale. I felt horrible and so weak, I had never experienced it that bad before. So tonight I ended up going to the hospital to see if I could find out if anything was wrong, and they took some blood tests and an EKG, and it all came back normal. I've had so many tests done and they always come back normal, but I just don't understand why I feel like this. While I was in the hospital I felt a little better, but now I feel absolutely horrible again. They didn't think anything was wrong and just told me to get some rest, but it just seems so weird to me. With me feeling this horrible for this long, something should be wrong, right? Especially because I've been pale and other people had noticed me acting odd. Could this be anxiety? I don't feel anxious or even worried, I haven't looked anything up either. Itjust seems really strange to me. According to the hospital I'm not sick, but then why do I feel and look so sick? Yesterday I ended up sleeping all day, I took about 3 naps, each being about 3 hours long and later I was still falling asleep at the table at 9:30 pm. It just doesn't seem like anxiety, but apparently there's nothing wrong with me either. Has this happened to anyone else? Like I said before I always feel sick, but I can tell it's different this time, it's just much more intense than I'm used to. Does this sound concerning?
  14. I agree with what you say about my worth doesn't come from other people. However, I have been giving them unconditional love and support for the past two years. I always push my feelings aside to help and listen to them whenever they need me to. I don't expect anything in return when I do those things, but when I do go to them with my problems I expect some kind of support like I give them, but I never get any. Friendship is a two way street, and I just can't give my all and get nothing in return. I don't mean this in a selfish way, but me and my other close friends have noticed it for a while. For the past two years I have always pushed away my feelings of anxiety and emotional distress for them, and honestly I never really go to them with my problems because I don't want to burden them, but this one time that I decided to go to them for some support, they do not do anything. They just say they can't handle it because of their emotional state. This makes me upset because no matter how selfless I am and push my problems aside for them, they can't find it in them to be there for me this one time, when I really need them.
  15. I didn't know what category this would belong to so I just decided to put it here. I'm sorry if I sound like I'm drowning in self pity, I just need to get this out somewhere. During the school year I had my best friend and we would always hang out, almost every week and we always talked about things. But since summer started things have changed. She never invites me anywhere anymore and she's been hanging out with our other friend recently. She never seems to have time for me, only for our other friend. For instance one time I asked her to hangout one day and she said she couldn't, so I asked our other friend to hangout that same day and she said she felt sick. Then I found out that they both had a sleepover and just ditched me. I've tried bringing up how they hurt me, but they don't listen and say I just get angry over everything. They even sometimes message me saying things that will purposely make me jealous and then they say they're just kidding and I don't need to be mad. But when I'm like "what did you expect when you're saying things like that?" They just tell me I'm too gullible and it's my fault. Then one day I came clean about all of my feelings and I've never done that before because I usually like to hide it, but I poured everything out to them and I did it in a way that was calm and mature. Instead of talking it out with me there respond was they needed a break. But I've always been there for them. Whenever they have a problem I'm the person they go to because I'll listen and give them advice, but the one time I really need them to just listen to me they say they need a break because they can't emotionally handle this right now. It's like they don't even consider that I can't handle these feelings and I needed to tell them. I know most people would say that I don't need them, they're obviously not being good friends. But I love them and I don't really have anyone else. I just want someone to care and listen and just hold me like I do for them. They're the type of people who everyone loves and everyone fights to be around. Sometimes I just feel like I'm not good enough. I don't have anyone to go to or to cry to. I'm just by myself and I don't know how to handle it. I just want my friends to care like I do for them.