I'm frustrated with my husband again today - don't they say that it's the ones you're closest to that you're the hardest on?
He really doesn't ask a lot from me when it comes to leaving the house and doing things (his job is exhausting and his commute is long, which makes him more than happy to watch TV most nights and probably enables me to be a home-body, too). When he does ask me to do things with him, it's easier for me to say, "No, I don't feel like it," than it is to do that with other people because we're married and I know he's not going anywhere.
I was upset the other day when he was going to come to brunch and then said he wasn't, then changed his mind and said he was. Today I'm upset because we made plans to cut a Christmas tree on Thursday, then he changed his mind and said he needed to tackle the leaves that day, and now the weather forecast changed and he says we're back to Plan A, tree cutting day.
My first response was my typical anxiety response - "No, I can't do that."
I don't do well with a medium-level spontaneity. It's fine if we decide to do something in the spur of the moment (and I don't have time to panic), or it's fine if we decide to do something next week (and I have time to prepare for it mentally). But spontaneously changing plans with less than 24 hours of lead time? That's a guaranteed recipe for anxiety.
There's absolutely no reason why I could successfully cut a tree tomorrow because it was agreed upon it last week, but I should be incapable of cutting that same tree on the same day because it was only agreed upon 24 hours in advance. It's a totally irrational mentality and it depends largely on the equally irrational concern that I am a "spoonie" who needs to conserve her energy and her health. The fact that I'm working at Panera with my dad today has absolutely NO bearing on my health, energy levels or abilities tomorrow because I have anxiety, not an energy or health-limiting illness.
We are cutting a damn tree tomorrow and it's going to be fun.