Sometimes I weep. Sometimes I just cry my eyes out, thinking of a million different things, not knowing the real cause except whatever it is, is making me cry, silent hot droplets down my face. Weeping.
Most of the time I’ll be thinking about my nephew who passed away. Other popular mind topics are dying. My health. My family and friends. My future. Did I mention dying?
Recuring topics that will always be there, they will never go away and sometimes. When the stars aline, the thought of them makes me weep.
Weep with fear, alone in a dark room.
Waiting to be both completely alone and completely surround all at once.
Weeping feels like a release though. It’s not hysterical, panic driven or causes small screams that I stifle with a pillow.
I will sit or lay down and the tears will just fall down my face. The heat of them always surprising me. It is a release, it doesn’t necessarily make me feel better but something is open and shared when I weep to myself.
Today i weep...I think because I started to think about my nephew but then I started to think about my future and what I want to do. And I’ve been worried about my stomach the last few days too, it’s not felt so great.
So im making a promise to myself, this week I’m going to eat healthy, cry if I want to about it haha but I’m going to do it. I’m going to try and make a doctors appointment to take about anxiety medication and I’m going to keep my future creative. Aim for happiness and you can’t go wrong, someone very smart said that to me once.