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  • MrsRoryFromRunrig

    Why Make A Blog?

    By MrsRoryFromRunrig

    Why should one make a blog? There are a number of reasons to why making a blog is great, the advantages are: 1 - Relieves Stress 2 - Can help others 3 - Preach what YOU care about 4 - You have control 5 - It can actually turn into a business (like Cake Wrecks). There are a couple of disadvantages though: 1- Research, can take up time and not always be correct, always double check. 2 - People may read what you see as light hearted chat as to be something mean and nasty. 3 - Trolls, yes they happen on blogs too. 4 - Websites go down 5 - Some blogging sites are difficult to use and puts people off. Here at AC however it's easy peasy, and within reason you can blog about what you like, but please, if you blogs are hate, racist or too explicit, they will be deleted and information will be passed onto Admin who will then decide which action to take with your account. Thanks for reading! Pamie
  • Gilly

    So, here we are. And a big thank you!!

    By Gilly

    January 2012. The past year has been eventful to say the least. Met some amazing people, had some bad times, some great times, some frustrating times but lots of laughs too. And now I find myself in charge of a site. Just how did that happen? lol It's never been my intention. I love to help people, in helping people, I help myself. I've said in the past, if it came down to it, I would be willing to do something. I guess I didn't really think it would happen, but here we are! It's a shame that things didn't work out at the last site. I always tried my best to help it work, doing this was an attempt to make it work. No matter what people thought, my intentions were for the good of us all. To make a site where everyone felt able to come, to get support, to not feel alone and to have a bit of a laugh when it was needed. I took it upon myself to try to push to make it better there, it didn't work, maybe I was wrong, maybe it was meant to happen like this, idk. But it happened, it got out of my control, and now here we are. One of the things that motivates me every day, and believe me I've been struggling with motivation a lot lately, is all the people I've met in the past year or so. How supporting each other has made such a huge difference. Looking after my paralyzed Mum is a daily struggle, I'm unhappy with that, I know I am. I don't want to have to do it, it's hard enough battling my anxieties but it is what it is. Having such amazing people to keep my spirits up, it keeps me plodding along. I want to thank you all, it means more than I can put into words. I will give this site my all, we're in this together. It's for us, and we deserve it. xxx

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  1. Sats

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    2016 april.. The moment when shes gone, only regrets that sticks in my head and i always imagine if my mom is still here. My days are rough, when i open my eyes what i feel is hard to breathe and strange dizziness at the back of my head near my neck. When i closed my eyes in the end of the day, i still feel that. This symptom started when my mother died.

    I can't tell to anyone what i feel , when I'm angry i always stay silent, when I feel someone underestimated me I stay silent, because I don't like conflict ...This disease changed me and it affects people around me ... especially my wife, my family my father , his wife and my brothers and sister ... I have rarely come out to meet friends, lots of event like friends' marriages that I have not attended, agoraphobia has changed my life.

    Not everyone can understand what I feel, do they really care? Well maybe yes or maybe notThey want me to carry out my current responsibilities as head of the family, yes I am now unemployed, do I want to become unemployed? No!. I feel that the various potentials that I have are starting to dim, applying for a job is very difficult, and this causes pessimism to begin to gnaw at you slowly and unconsciously. The colleague I had at my first job? They are not what i think they are because I felt they underestimated my abilities and illness. I'm sure they are aware of that, but in fact they might not. And that hurts me real bad.

    I want to make my wife happy, but with my limitations at the moment I can't do it, I try but it's still not enough. Every day I still play game that she doesn't like, why? Am I trying to upset her? Nope ... but when i’m playing all the feelings of being depressed, dizzy and others are gone which sometimes makes me easier to get some sleep without feeling dizzy and others. Sometimes i dont know what to do ..... i wish my mom is still here, she always has the answer or just some words to calm me down. I dont realize that until she's gone, I took it for granted and i still can't forgive myself about that. Its easier to forgive another people who treat you wrong or hurt you, but to forgive yourself it’s on another level.

    I'm not the man i used to be, i feel so useless right now, to me and everyone, im angry, disappointed of myself because i know i can do more IF i have the opportunity to prove myself. But how? No one want to hire me, i don't want to work as “ petugas TU “ i know i can do more than that, but everyone seems see me like im a little person with disadvantage. Agoraphobia, this is not something you take lightly, eventho a lot of people think so. But its not, you dont know what i feel everyday, you dont know that i can shut my eyes and fall asleep as easy as you. I cant go out without drugs right now, even i cant stand the sensation in my body when im staying at home. Oohhh...its so stresfull, i have a responsibility,i know that, as a husband, as a father, and also as my father son. And i think right know its my tipping point. I dont have anything to offer, i cant defend my self when anyone demand something from me because sometimes i cant talk back or i dont have the answer.

    I have a lot of dreams, everybody does, but it seems i dont know how to reach them. Patient? Oh i am a really patient person, i dont know that is positive or negative for me. i need help, i really need that.

    My son, he is my angel. A lot of  joy he has bring to me but also a lot of responsibility that i cant fulfill right now. So i think i have failed as a husband and father. Am i? Or my luck will change in the future? Luck...maybe its not about luck, but then what? I tried to get a job, and yet only few company that called me to interview and still no one wants to hire me. am i that bad? I dont have potential? am i dont have what it takes to work on some company? Or it just not my way? What then

    I take a wrong major in university. At that time it feels right but along the way i feel it is so damn wrong. This is one of the wrong decision i have made. Because i dont know what im good at or interest me more at that time. Nobody guide me, and i was just a brat that dont think what i want to do for my future. If only i can turn back time, but i cant. So here i am, i have agoraphobia, wife, and son but i dont have a job to feed them and buy my medicine.  Not so great but im trying to hang on.

    This is my tipping point, i think so.. oh and i have a dog, corgi dog xabier, he is so cute but i cant take care of him too because i dont have a job..oh i only can complain right now,but when i think of it i never complain with what i have in highschool or early years in university. I earn more money back then than now. I coached baseball, i worked as dj manager, i worked as personal assistant at my senior store, i work in event organizer, and i also got a lot of money from gaming. But why it is so hard right now to get or earn money even when i have graduated from UNPAR. Is it because it took me 7 years to graduate? Or 2.81 GPA is that bad?

    I hate me.. sometimes i feel if its better if im not here anymore, but s****de? I dont know how this even pop to my mind..its started when i have this agoraphobia, like life is just one big illusions. I still gratefull for what i have, because theres people that have much more going on in their life. But right now i just dont know what to do, i dont have a clue for tomorrow.

    Does someone out there have same issues like me? or you have some suggestions?

  2. I’llbefineintheend
    Latest Entry

    I feel guilt. I feel responsibility. 

    Christmas Day 2014 my nephew was very unwell. He would not eat, he had restless sleeps, his temperature was high and when I held him, trying to comfort him, I could feel his heart pounding like a drum. I knew that was not right. But he had a throat infection and bad cold, Like he did the year before, surely it would be fine. 

    Boxing Day 2014 approximately 9pm he passed away. 

    I knew that he was not alright. 

    In my gut I felt something was wrong. 

    I did nothing but hold him and sing him songs. 

    And then he died. 

    The guilt I feel is swelling in my throat as I type as I have never actually told anybody before that I feel guilty and that I feel responsible. 

    I could make excuses. I was 19. I’m no doctor. How was I supposed to know it worse then that. It was Christmas Day, what could you do. I KNEW HE DID NOT FEEL RIGHT AND I DID NOTHING. 

    I don’t know if we took him to the hospital if he would have survived. The sepsis was already happening, I don’t know what they could have done for him.

    They might not have been able to save him but they might have been able to make him comfortable.

    He spent his last hours in a car seat and his last breaths in the hands of people he didn’t know.

    i feel responsible for that.

    I understand in situations as these everyone says that you cannot blame yourself because you didn’t know what was going to happen. 

    Yes, I did not know what was going to happen. But I knew something was not right and I did nothing. And that is worse. 

    My brother has lost his son. And this Christmas, on the fourth anniversary of his death, I can see the cracks in our family clearer then ever. My brother forcing himself to smile. And I could not stop looking at him. 

    Now I cannot sleep as I play the horrific night from years ago in my head over and over. And part of me feels like I deserve the pain and the rest is in utter despair. 

  3. It's five days before Christmas and that has always been my biggest trigger as far as holidays are concerned. I did not do particularly well at Thanksgiving this year and I am struggling through a bout of depression right now, so I'm not really at peak coping skills right now.

    I think I need to re-read and take notes on some passages in the Panic Attacks Workbook.

    I'm too tired of fighting the depression and anxiety this week to say anything else - just that it's there, I know it's a lie, and I'm having a hard time remembering that in the moment. I just want to go back to bed until the holidays are over, or shut everyone out of my life so that no one ever expects me to leave the house and I can just stay in my safe little bubble.

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  6. omnicell
    Latest Entry

    A gap resides between where I want to be and where I am!  This gap is a continuation of where I was as a child!   I had plans and wanted to work hard at those plans;  generally in school; and do well!  That did not happen; I was not allowed to!  I wont go into the details!  However,  as I feel and become more freed up as a person;  I am interested in continuing where I left off as a child!  I have to reconnect!  I seems that the ages of 9-10- 11-12-13;  these years must be healed and new information gone into these years;  for I was thrown away in this time period! Theses were horrible years for various reasons;  beyond horrible!  I was being destroyed!  The goal is to work through them; these years!  Get to the other side of it!   

    Im seeing faces of these time periods;  some I thought were friends;  they are no friends of mine now!  and that is not my problem;  I have God and I will let them go!  The goal is to forget about them and that time period and simply work through all of it then go back before it; and start at where I left off at around 8 years old!  we will see!  

    Lots of gaps reside between me when a small child and the rest of my life;  it was literally torn into pieces;  and I ended up torn apart into many pieces!  

    Im trying to fill in the gap;  now where Im starting from,  know where Im going!  I have allot of hurt and PTSD to deal with!  I have to work through rupturing;  and start again!  become independent and have God show up and help!  

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  8. emzi
    Latest Entry

    So, last spring I decided to try something new. The junk in my drawers mixed with loads of leftover stuff from my childhood started to get a but too much. I thought about it all the time and then I started to look into minimalism.

    I thought it would be a hard and anxious process sorting and giving everything away, but it was actually pretty liberating. I guess part of that is a feeling of control, but letting go of all the obligations I felt to my stuff really opened up my life. Now I can have a lot less storage space and it helps me get ready in the morning even better because I don't have to try anything on to see if it fits.

    Another thing I found out is that there are really no set rules to being minimalist. It's all about what makes you happy. Want to keep your photo collage? Great. Like that watch? Keep it. Don't like that sweater, give it away. Simple. I have a large collection of hair scrunchies because my hair is a very unruly curly fluff most days and I like the choice, so I kept that. I don't have to feel guilty about it at all. 

    In the past 5 months, I haven't felt any regret. It's helped with my anxiety a lot and I can focus on things I actually need to instead of spending all day tidying my room or trying to find something in a drawer full of empty markers. If you're thinking about it, I'd say go for it. If you're on the fence, sort through your stuff and keep the stuff you're iffy about in a bag for a couple weeks. If you don't take anything out of the bag, then you probably don't want it anyway and it can help to get rid of some of the excess in your life. 

    Have you tried minimalism or anything cool that's helped you? Let me know :)

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    I’m new to talking about...”It”...but my therapist suggested that I find a group of forum to talk to others who may  

    I apologize if a blog isn’t the place to do this.  I’m the new girl.  But I need somewhere to  I was officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in March.  But I have been struggling with it for a few years now. I hate everything about it.  I hate the person that it makes me become.  My anxiety makes me an incredibly insecure person...I compare myself to every other woman.  (Prettier, skinnier, smarter, more successful, etc).  And I immediately assume that I am not worth the love and attention that my husband gives me...and that he MUST be wanting to give it to someone else.  After all...I’m not worthy. 

    So, as you could assume...this causes conflict in my NEW marriage.  This poor man constantly feels as though I’m accusing him of being unfaithful when in reality I’m most likely having an anxiety attack and merely needing him to remind me of my worth.  Is this fair to him...?  Absolutely not...but I DONT KNOW HOW TO STOP.  I tell myself to cut it out...hes going nothing wrong...your merely overwhelmed in “life” and your trigger is a woman texting him about the thing he has listed for sale on Facebook.  Ridiculous.  But in my head...this woman is going to come and be so much more...MORE...than I could ever be to him, and he will know that I’m nothing.  And he will ultimately leave me.  

    Like everyone else entire life.  

    But he doesn’t understand this.  He gets mad.  He gets defensive.  He gets frustrated.   And I can only imagine that my trying to explain my messed up head is merely excuses to stupid jealous behavior.  

    We have the most amazing relationship...he is quite literally the jelly to my peanut butter...but I’m not sure he can handle my crazy parts.  And I don’t know how I can ask him to.  I hate them more than he ever could...I almost want to save him the trouble and leave before he does...ha ha.   But I won’t...he’s my person.  But i have to find a way to control these insecurities.  My anxiety is apparently going to I handle it needs to change.  

    Any advice you guys can give...I would SO appreciate it!!


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  10. Today I woke up with a ton of anxiety but now I am feeling pretty well. I had to post a video for an online course and it was making me so anxious. I got it done, was able to do the dishes, sweep, and take a shower. It is amazing how mundane tasks can give me so much anxiety. When I wake up, I see dishes in the sink and it freaks me out. Does anyone else feel anxiety when you think about mundane tasks? It's terrible! I am still waiting for the therapist to call me. It seems to be taking some time so I am going to call tomorrow. I see my practitioner on Monday and I hope that she can tweek my meds a little more to help me with my anxiety. I wish I could find more people to connect with on here. :(

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    Panic attacks suck. I know it, you know it and anyone who has fallen victim to one knows it. However, this one simple exercise could help you relax in a pinch.

    What if I told you that you might be breathing all wrong? In fact, experts estimate that only around 12.5% of the population uses this optimal breathing technique.

    I understand it may sound silly to some that breathing has a technique to it. Let’s face it, air goes into your lungs and air leaves your lungs. It can’t be that hard, right?

    If I told you to stand straight up and take a deep breath, most of us don't use Diaphragmatic breathing; also known as abdominal breathing or belly breathing.

    Instead, they would likely be lifting their chest or shoulders to take in a deep breath. This is called shallow breathing and can cause more problems than you think.



    Breathing with the Belly

    Imagine an infant sleeping soundly in front of you. Do you notice that the child does not actually breathe with their chest and shoulders?.

    Babies automatically breathe using a muscle called the diaphragm. We humans instinctually use this same muscle while we are sleeping or unconsciously breathing.

    The problem is that when we are conscious about our breathing and with the knowledge of the lungs as we age, we lift our chest and shoulders to take a deep breath.

    This doesn’t mean we never belly breath, it just means that when we are consciously aware of our breath we tend to trick ourselves.

    Not to mention that after some time of being consciously aware of the ability to control our breath, we tend to use shallow breathing more than belly breathing.

    Unfortunately, when you are having a panic attack, you are very conscious of your breath, which leads to hyperventilation.

    Not to worry though because this easy exercise can get you back on track to breathing correctly.


    Taking a Deep Breath

    To take a truly deep breath and be consciously aware of it, the first thing you must do is just be aware of your posture.

    You can do this exercise in one of three recommended positions:

    1.       Standing straight up in a relaxed position trying to keep the chest out slightly and shoulders back.

    2.       Sitting straight up in a relaxed position trying to keep the chest out slightly and shoulders back.

    3.       The easiest way is to simply lay on the hard floor.

    Note: This can be used during a panic attack, and I would suggest the floor because it is the most restrictive to your movements. I would not recommend lying on a soft bed for this exercise because your body will sink down causing your shoulders to squeeze your chest area.

    So, now that you have your position, take one hand and place it over your chest, and then place the other hand right below the ribcage so the thumb is touching the curve of the lower part of the sternum.

    Now, take a soft breath and then exhale, but when you exhale pull your abdomen in as much as you can. You will notice that this helps empty the lungs.

    Start to inhale, but as you do focus on your stomach and push it out. You will notice that even when pushing your stomach out your body automatically inhales as this is using your diaphragm.

    Now, upon exhaling make sure it is slow and extended.

    Your hands are merely there to help you be consciously aware of which part of the body to move while breathing.

    Try to take large, but short, comfortable inhales, followed by long slow exhales. This allows your body to relax and your heart to slow.

    Exhaling gives your body a natural relaxation response. I cannot stress enough that it is ideal to go slow and steady, but comfortable.


    Counting for Comfort

    Now that you understand the breathing technique, it is best to make sure not to overdo the process.

    I cannot tell you how many times I have been focusing on my breath, and suddenly noticed I began to hyperventilate because I was literally overly worried about how much air I actually needed.

    I have come up with a little counting exercise to use during those exact moments. That way I will always know how to calm myself without inducing hyperventilation.

    After your first inhale hold your breath for 5 to 7 seconds. Exhale slowly as previously instructed, but DO NOT inhale immediately. Pause for 3-5 seconds before you pull in your next breath.

    Once you figure out a good and comfortable rhythm try to add counts to your inhale and exhale. Inhale slowly for 3 to 5 seconds, Hold for 10 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds and wait to inhale for 3 to 5 more seconds.

     Practice Makes Perfect

    Once you have the technique pretty well memorized I would suggest putting in some practice and making it habitual.

    Giving any skill practice will cultivate it over time and belly breathing is no different.

    I suggest taking five minutes per day to really focus on this great technique. After a while, you will notice that during the day you will automatically belly breath to relax.


    Wrapping It Up

    There are so many great things that can come from belly breathing beside a quick panic attack helper. But the greatest thing it increases for someone like us who suffers from anxiety is the increased relaxation.

    Every time you belly breath to fill your lungs completely and then follow with a slow exhale your body gets love from your brain telling it to calm down.

    While this is not a cure for anxiety, it is a really great tool for you to use anywhere at any time. Not to mention, when it becomes habitual you will find it helps to lessen a number of panic attacks you will have.

    Give it a try. You have nothing to lose except an incorrect way to breath.

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    Hello, my name is Brooke and I just recently joined anxiety central because I was in search of some advice regarding my health anxiety. It all started with the bottoms of my toes and feet feeling numb after one of my long walks. A couple days had gone by and the numbness was still there and that's when I decided to look online to understand why I was feeling this numbness and I came across all of these awful things that could be wrong with me and that's when I got scared and my anxiety started.

    From then on I had been in a state of constant anxiety and each day I would feel worse and I had a tightness in my chest, a lump in my throat, an upset stomach and tingling calves which worried me even more that something was wrong with me. It's when I finally made a post on here about what I was experiencing that I learned that all those things I was feeling was because of my anxiety and once I learned that, the things I was feeling started to get better and for the most part, go away. I'm still dealing with my health anxiety and am being hopeful that it will get better soon. Aside from health anxiety I also suffer from social anxiety and occasional anxiety due to stressful events.

    I feel writing this right now helps with my anxiety and I also feel that discussing anxiety with other users that may be going through something similar would be helpful too. If anyone would like to share any similar experiences or has any opinions or comments to add, please feel free to do so :) 

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    faded ombre light
    an inky black silhouette
    melts into sunset

    horizon simmers
    blurring at the speed of light
    erasing herself



    Being obese is not a problem but taking no steps to reduce the weight is. If you’re afraid and bored of vigorous exercises, you should add walking to your to-do list. In the beginning of the interview, Mr. Marshal, a physical trainer added, “if you’re tired of workouts and still there is no weight loss, you must try walking”. If you know the tricks, you can burn extra fat by stepping on the road.

    Pack a perfect pair of shoes

    The first step you would take in walking is to buy shoes. Make sure it has normal flat surface with low-heel and fits you perfectly. Even a minute difference in measure can ruin your walking style.

    Walk before breakfast

    Studies say that, “walking as soon as you woke in the morning will help you burn more calories”. You will lose your glycogen levels during sleep and your body fat is used as a source of energy.

    Create your favorite playlist

    You should not get bored in your first attempt itself. So, before you step out, add your favorite songs to playlist. This will increase your walking route and pace. Adding beat songs may force you walk a little longer, so avoid sad songs that make you return home soon.

    Find a path to walk

    Walking pace and time depends on the route you’re going to choose. We don’t walk to our office nearby but we walk for miles in any holiday destination. Why is that? When our eyes get attracted to a place, it keeps forcing you from behind to walk, no matter how badly your legs pain. Find available long routes near to your house and choose the one with more trees, park and coffee shops. You can take rest for 5 minutes at the part and get water bottle from the café when exhausted.

    Who’s your walking buddy

    Well, if you’re very social and easily get bored while walking alone, all you need is a partner. The accompanier can be your sweet puppy, close friend or even your grandfather. Set your daily goal, motivate each other and achieve it.

    Sip green tea

    Don’t go to bath straight away when you return home. Sit for a while and drink green tea within 25 minutes after a brisk walk to heal cell damage and to see the slimmer you.

    Fats vary from person to person. So, don’t drop walking if it doesn’t give you any fruitful result. Be calm and chase your dream!

    Source: Modalert

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    Being home everyday is something alot of women dream of. Most days are okay. Then there are those days I wish I could go out alone. People take things for granted, like going to the store. Or even taking their kids to the park. There are a few people that try to understand. Others tell me it's all in my head. Or say things like I should force myself to do it. All of them mean well I guess. Doesn't help. Just makes me feel worse. Sometimes I figure I should be used to living like this. But I can't and it's a hard pill to swallow. 

  13. I wrote off a group of friends from the previous state I lived in, about 13 years ago. They were mainly friends with me through my best friend, who I found out down the line was telling people before they even met me that I was "difficult to get along with". In the open she always commented, how I was a prude, or pasty white, or had no boobs, she'd laugh it off like it was some happy joke between us, but it wasn't funny for me- she was making light of things I could not or would not change. 

    I also tried out a couple of them to watch my two cats while I took off on vacation for 5 days, one person got a ticket while in my car and tried to deny it. The main couple thought each other was watching my cats, so neither came to tend to them. 

    So after spouse and I wrote them off, only telling them "we need to work on our selves, our lives, have a good life y'all, see ya"; we worked on our house and then sold it after a year. Moved across country. I thought I would get a job and make friends. Check, check, but then after 6 years, I quit said job and it ended up my co-workers did not wish to continue the friendship outside of work.

    I don't delve into drama, nor perpetuate, or judge people. I don't have kids, not single, cannot drink alcohol because my body won't metabolize it, and I am not pretty. I have some friends an hour away but lucky if we see them three or so times a year. I asked one of them privately what my quirks were when another of them brought up, in a group chat that they "like me with my quirks". The friend told me I could be "slightly sarcastic, which wasn't a bad thing, and that I tend to be self-effacing, also not a bad thing".

    I am clueless about either of these. I am only sarcastic with my husband because he knows when I am being funny. Self-effacing means something like "staying in the background, not wanting to be the center of attention". And this is supposedly what drives potential friends away?

    After all this time, I have not gotten used to not having friends, haven't had anyone other than husband to celebrate my birthday with in over 15 years. I never complain about it until now because I know that would turn people off. 

    My head hurts, my heart hurts, it feels like no one cares, and it stresses me out immensely to not know how to fix it. My whole body is just so tense.

    I've tried volunteering, several times at different places- animal shelters, archaeology digs, art centers, etc- to meet people and learn about the areas I live in. I am currently part of a huge volunteer-run organization, which is how I met the current friends- but again, lucky if we get together with these people three times a year because of being frugal with gas an cash since I am prematurely retired, being a stay-at-home wife, and husband is probably looking at earl retirement because he is so burnt out.

    It just feels so hopeless. The friend site, again, only has people who are looking for friends an hour away from me. 

    So BIG hugs to anyone who feels they are alone. You are not, I am here for you, and appreciate you for who are. I have enough love and hugs for anyone who needs it.

  14. Ihadcancer
    Latest Entry

    HI Everyone,  I haven't been around because I've been doing so very well.  Working in my  yard and being creative. Back at the gym, etc. 

    Image may contain: plant, flower, tree, outdoor and nature

    Image may contain: outdoor

    I'm on Facebook under Diane Weldy Tavegia and anyone can read my blog.  

    Absolutely doing GREAT!



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    Hi :)

    I just signed up for AC after a few months struggling with what I have been told is a 'panic disorder'. (i'm still not convinced i'm not dying, which definitely doesn't help the anxiety.)

    Recently i've been struggling with this strange discomfort/pain in the left side of my chest and left arm pit. It comes and goes, but is almost present. I can feel this weird pressure/tension in the top of my left breast, the left side of my chest, my arm pit, and sometimes it radiates somewhat down the inside of my left arm or down the left side of my ribcage. Originally, I believed it was related to my heart, but after multiple EKG's, tons of blood tests, an echo, and a chest xray all came back normal, my doctor is convinced that it is related to my anxiety. It feels like a muscle or nerve thing, but my doctor doesn't see the need for those tests. There's no swelling in my chest and I can't pinpoint where the discomfort is coming from, it truly makes me feel like I am losing my mind.

    This new anxiety started at the beginning of January, after returning from visiting my parents abroad. About 4 hours after landing I felt this hard thud in my chest, I got super dizzy almost collapsed when I stood up, my heart was racing and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I went to the ER thinking I was having some sort of heart episode, but they did a bunch of blood tests, an ekg, and a chest X-ray which all came back normal. They hooked me up to 2 IV's which brought my heart rate down, they attributed everything to dehydration and sent me home.

    A few days later I was watching TV when all of a sudden my legs started to shake uncontrollably again, my heart started to race, my chest was incredibly tight, and I honestly thought that I was going to die. I went back to the ER in the morning and they did more tests but couldn't find anything. They told me I most likely experienced a panic attack and to talk to a therapist 

    It's now almost the end of February, and i've experienced around 5 of these panic attacks. It starts with the shaking/seizing of my legs, the pain in my chest is multiplied by 100, my heart races, I can feel extremely hot or freezing cold at the same time, it feels like theres fire in my veins spreading from my neck down my chest and back, and when it happens theres nothing I can do but sit there feeling like i'm dying. It's terrifying. I absolutely hate living this way. I keep hoping its muscular or a nerve, at least those are treatable with medicine and go away. 

    Now, when I start to feel the pain in my chest it automatically sets off my anxiety because i'm thinking about it. Sometimes my neck feels really weird and tight, it feels somewhat spastic. The neck stiffness/spasms and leg seizures made me think it was neurologic. I get nervous that one of these attacks will happen while i'm in class, luckily so far I that hasn't happened.

    I've been in Zoloft for almost a month and haven't seen much improvement. My doctor dismisses this pain and basically just sends me home to deal with it on my own but it's difficult when you don't know what you're dealing with. I was on klonopin for a month, 1.0-1.5 mg could usually bring me out of that panic state.

    I haven't spoken to anyone this in depth about how it makes me feel. I'm sharing my story to see if anyone experiences similar symptoms, and with the hope that someone struggling with similar issues takes comfort that they're not alone



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    When fighting a battle, there is always strength in numbers. But, having someone by your side sometimes comes with a cost. Superiority in numbers is something very different from strength in numbers, and, with anxiety, this can be a crucial difference.

    Late at night, when my anxiety found me alone in the dark and slowly pushed me over the edge into a panic attack, I used to think that everything would just be better if there was someone there with me. I think the isolation that the dark and quiet of night time is what made this the worst time for my anxiety. It was harder to distract myself when I was alone, and I didn't have the helpful distraction of trying to keep a strong mask in places for everyone around me so they would think I was fine. At night, there was nobody there to see me struggle, nobody I had to put energy into making believe I was fine. And, nobody to support me when I finally tipped into panic.

    I've been with my wife for five years now, and what I have come to discover is that no longer being alone may have helped me in some ways, but it has also presented challenges that I didn't expect. I don't get the night time panic that I used to get, and in some ways have better control over my anxiety than I ever have. But, I've also adopted my wife's struggle with anxiety, panic and depression. In some ways, that's been a tougher battle than the one I faced alone.

    I suppose I thought that addition would lead to subtraction; I thought that by adding a partner, I would be subtracting anxiety. In fact, adding a partner added their struggles and difficulties to my own. There's nothing simple about the arithmetic. Whenever you add, you add complexity.

    This is not to say that I have regrets. I guess this initial post is really just a recognition of the fact that a lot of us face what we feel is a solitary struggle, and sometimes we think the solution is out there for someone to simply gift us with it. We want the solutions to be simple. We want someone to take the problem away. But, the world is more complex than that, and the solutions are never simple. The strength we gain in numbers comes with the commitment we have to make to give back to that network of people to help them with their own troubles. My wife has helped me face a lot of my own problems with anxiety, but the struggle is still there and has taken on a new dimension because I, in turn, have to help her deal with her own. And, that's difficult. Just as it's difficult for us, as a community of similarly afflicted individuals separated by screens and distance, to share of ourselves while needing the sharing of others to keep moving forward. 

    I'm here and willing to be your +1, of the occasion. But, can you be mine?

  15. 2017

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    This is the time we all start to look at what we did last year and how we can change for the coming year. What is the one thing you want to do to make this year different from last year?

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    Hello, recently moved to Buffalo, finding a new job, doesn't start until the 28th, so bored nothing to do and the anxiety has been hitting me pretty hard usually starts when I wake up which is very difficult, Started reading a Conversation with God but it seems to have made my anxiety much worse, feel like I've wasted my life, have hypothyroidism, and been fighting depression all my life. Afraid to succeed, have appointment for the doctor on tue and a therapist wed, how am I going to make it? Living with my daughter and had a good chat with her and felt better that night but woke up, and it started all over. I try and stay busy and hike or skate but it's insidious and hits when I least expect it. Tried alot of different things for depression

    Thanks for reading my pissing and morning