January 2012. The past year has been eventful to say the least. Met some amazing people, had some bad times, some great times, some frustrating times but lots of laughs too. And now I find myself in charge of a site. Just how did that happen? lol It's never been my intention. I love to help people, in helping people, I help myself. I've said in the past, if it came down to it, I would be willing to do something. I guess I didn't really think it would happen, but here we are!
It's a shame that things didn't work out at the last site. I always tried my best to help it work, doing this was an attempt to make it work. No matter what people thought, my intentions were for the good of us all. To make a site where everyone felt able to come, to get support, to not feel alone and to have a bit of a laugh when it was needed. I took it upon myself to try to push to make it better there, it didn't work, maybe I was wrong, maybe it was meant to happen like this, idk. But it happened, it got out of my control, and now here we are.
One of the things that motivates me every day, and believe me I've been struggling with motivation a lot lately, is all the people I've met in the past year or so. How supporting each other has made such a huge difference. Looking after my paralyzed Mum is a daily struggle, I'm unhappy with that, I know I am. I don't want to have to do it, it's hard enough battling my anxieties but it is what it is. Having such amazing people to keep my spirits up, it keeps me plodding along. I want to thank you all, it means more than I can put into words.
I will give this site my all, we're in this together. It's for us, and we deserve it. xxx
Why should one make a blog?
There are a number of reasons to why making a blog is great, the advantages are:
1 - Relieves Stress
2 - Can help others
3 - Preach what YOU care about
4 - You have control
5 - It can actually turn into a business (like Cake Wrecks).
There are a couple of disadvantages though:
1- Research, can take up time and not always be correct, always double check.
2 - People may read what you see as light hearted chat as to be something mean and nasty.
3 - Trolls, yes they happen on blogs too.
4 - Websites go down
5 - Some blogging sites are difficult to use and puts people off.
Here at AC however it's easy peasy, and within reason you can blog about what you like, but please, if you blogs are hate, racist or too explicit, they will be deleted and information will be passed onto Admin who will then decide which action to take with your account.
Thanks for reading!
I hate health anxiety! I really hate health anxiety.
This week alone I've been worried about several things. A UTI which seemed to linger, but cleared up. A white spot on my arm I was sure was an aggressive form of basal cell carcinoma and now 'pink urine and a pink stain on undergarments' after the gym yesterday.
The white spot is just age related and tomorrow I'm going to a new doctor, a urologist, about the 'blood' in my urine. I believe in my 'knower' that it's from taking daily aspirin and exercise. Both can cause pink urine. I know for sure of the one time, and 3 times before, thought the water in the toilet looked a little pink, but the tp was clear so I let it go. In my head, it's bladder cancer. In my brain, I know that it's something simple and I'm just being cautious because women tend to ignore blood in urine so have a higher chance of dying from bladder cancer. I have none of the 'causes'. Never smoked. Never worked with chemicals. Never wore a catheter for years. ETC. My grandfather died from bladder cancer in 1956 but he was a smoker and worked the shipyards in Mobile, around asbestos and all sorts of chemicals as an electrician in the bowels of the ships. He also worked as a welder.
So, I tried to nap today and did doze off. Naps allow me to release my fear and I usually wake feeling more clear headed. My dogs weren't ready when I was and they bugged me until I gave up, after only about a 30 minute nap. Now they're snoring on the floor next to me. No fair!
I hate health anxiety, but I hate cancer much more. Cancer steals joy. It steals friends. It steals that 'ever and ever' feeling. It steals minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. It replaces that 'get up and go' feeling with a 'why bother' mentality. It never gets better. At least it hasn't for me.
I enjoy almost none of my hobbies that used to fill my spare time. It took huge amounts of money due to co pays of $9,000 a year for 8 years now. Money we'd saved for our retirement, didn't last long.
My family says I've changed. I was always a super optimist and always smiling. I don't remember the last time I laughed. I don't cry. I'm too numb for any emotion except fear. Fear is doubting God, tho. I want to be forever well and I want it now. God reminds me that I'm 66 and my days were numbered before I was created. Fear of tomorrow can only ruin tomorrow.
The last day I remember feeling really hopeful was the day after my 62nd birthday. I'd wanted another dog. We just had one and he was sleeping all the time. I had this feeling! Like, it would be okay to adopt a puppy because I'd be around to raise her. So for my birthday, I got Daisy. A few years later, I got Emmie Jo, but not because I felt I'd be here another 17 years, but because my husband and son also fell in love with her and Scooter was getting more ill and unable to play with Daisy. I made them promise that if we got Emmie, that they'd see this through to the end with all our pets, even if I were already gone. They agreed and I got my sweet Emmie.
So, I've let anxiety steal much of this week. Thankfully, my husband was off Monday and Tuesday so I had some distraction but the other days have been 12 to 13 hours alone and that'll continue until late April when Track and Field ends.
So Urologist tomorrow. Biometric Screening for BCBS on Mar. 1st. March 28th is my blood work that I have every 6 months, which includes tests looking for 'tumor markers'. April 4th is my CT of my chest and MRI of my abdomen. April 11th is my doctor's visit with my oncologist. My oncologist. I hope none of you EVER have to use that phrase. My oncologist.
Thanks for listening. Thanks for caring and, if you are a person who believes in prayer, whisper a prayer that I am cancer free and can face the next 6 1/2 weeks strong and courageous knowing that nothing can happen to me that God doesn't allow.
"I will not die, but live, and I will proclaim what the LORD has done." Psalm 118:17
I just signed up for AC after a few months struggling with what I have been told is a 'panic disorder'. (i'm still not convinced i'm not dying, which definitely doesn't help the anxiety.)
Recently i've been struggling with this strange discomfort/pain in the left side of my chest and left arm pit. It comes and goes, but is almost present. I can feel this weird pressure/tension in the top of my left breast, the left side of my chest, my arm pit, and sometimes it radiates somewhat down the inside of my left arm or down the left side of my ribcage. Originally, I believed it was related to my heart, but after multiple EKG's, tons of blood tests, an echo, and a chest xray all came back normal, my doctor is convinced that it is related to my anxiety. It feels like a muscle or nerve thing, but my doctor doesn't see the need for those tests. There's no swelling in my chest and I can't pinpoint where the discomfort is coming from, it truly makes me feel like I am losing my mind.
This new anxiety started at the beginning of January, after returning from visiting my parents abroad. About 4 hours after landing I felt this hard thud in my chest, I got super dizzy almost collapsed when I stood up, my heart was racing and my legs were shaking uncontrollably. I went to the ER thinking I was having some sort of heart episode, but they did a bunch of blood tests, an ekg, and a chest X-ray which all came back normal. They hooked me up to 2 IV's which brought my heart rate down, they attributed everything to dehydration and sent me home.
A few days later I was watching TV when all of a sudden my legs started to shake uncontrollably again, my heart started to race, my chest was incredibly tight, and I honestly thought that I was going to die. I went back to the ER in the morning and they did more tests but couldn't find anything. They told me I most likely experienced a panic attack and to talk to a therapist
It's now almost the end of February, and i've experienced around 5 of these panic attacks. It starts with the shaking/seizing of my legs, the pain in my chest is multiplied by 100, my heart races, I can feel extremely hot or freezing cold at the same time, it feels like theres fire in my veins spreading from my neck down my chest and back, and when it happens theres nothing I can do but sit there feeling like i'm dying. It's terrifying. I absolutely hate living this way. I keep hoping its muscular or a nerve, at least those are treatable with medicine and go away.
Now, when I start to feel the pain in my chest it automatically sets off my anxiety because i'm thinking about it. Sometimes my neck feels really weird and tight, it feels somewhat spastic. The neck stiffness/spasms and leg seizures made me think it was neurologic. I get nervous that one of these attacks will happen while i'm in class, luckily so far I that hasn't happened.
I've been in Zoloft for almost a month and haven't seen much improvement. My doctor dismisses this pain and basically just sends me home to deal with it on my own but it's difficult when you don't know what you're dealing with. I was on klonopin for a month, 1.0-1.5 mg could usually bring me out of that panic state.
I haven't spoken to anyone this in depth about how it makes me feel. I'm sharing my story to see if anyone experiences similar symptoms, and with the hope that someone struggling with similar issues takes comfort that they're not alone
Indian food is such and easy thing to make to put a smile on spouse's face. I don't follow a recipe, I sautee stuff, add seasonings, add more stuff, and cook through. One pot, unless you make rice or another side, so easy. I wish I could insert a picture, but it is way too big and I have no photo program to fix my files. Here is the one I am doing today:
frozen pea and carrot
Sautee your choice of vegetables to soften, in oil.
Add seasonings to infuse oil.
Things that don't need much softening, add after the others have softened.
Cooking vegetables will only take about 7-10 minutes.
Add water/pasta/rice water, if pan gets too dry.
Cover and allow to simmer together, this will only take a few minutes.
I pretty much use whatever vegetable I bought from previous week that still needs to be eaten.
Other combo examples:
potatoes, lentil, greens
garbanzos, bell peppers, zucchini
tomato, squash, beans
mushroom, spinach, black eyed peas
Many spices reduce inflammation, are antioxidant, anti-everything! But sometimes there are bad sides too, including foods that actually help cancer cells become viable by giving them nutrition highways to grow. To eat good foods, look up : antiangiogenic. This article explains it.
Ted Talks had a great spot on this that is easy to understand and only about 15 minutes. And here is a basic list to take with you to the store.
I love meat and am not a complete vegetarian or vegan. I have heard of beliefs in parts of the world that meat seems to emphasize anger, which in turns also amplifies anxiety and tension. I think it is all fascinating even though none of it is a constant conversation I have out loud. Because it is BORING!
Article on emotional effects of food
A website that dispels misinformation, gives you tips, and shows you various people you had no idea were healthy, athletic, and vegan! https://veganuary.com/starter-kit/
Some people observe abstaining because of weak stomaches, minds, wallets; I do it for ethical reasons (mistreated animals in factories-male chickens being ground alive, etc; destruction of ozone layer, footprint, the fact I do not raise and kill myself; and the clothing and food industries are the only ones that do not have animal protection and quality of life laws.
When fighting a battle, there is always strength in numbers. But, having someone by your side sometimes comes with a cost. Superiority in numbers is something very different from strength in numbers, and, with anxiety, this can be a crucial difference.
Late at night, when my anxiety found me alone in the dark and slowly pushed me over the edge into a panic attack, I used to think that everything would just be better if there was someone there with me. I think the isolation that the dark and quiet of night time is what made this the worst time for my anxiety. It was harder to distract myself when I was alone, and I didn't have the helpful distraction of trying to keep a strong mask in places for everyone around me so they would think I was fine. At night, there was nobody there to see me struggle, nobody I had to put energy into making believe I was fine. And, nobody to support me when I finally tipped into panic.
I've been with my wife for five years now, and what I have come to discover is that no longer being alone may have helped me in some ways, but it has also presented challenges that I didn't expect. I don't get the night time panic that I used to get, and in some ways have better control over my anxiety than I ever have. But, I've also adopted my wife's struggle with anxiety, panic and depression. In some ways, that's been a tougher battle than the one I faced alone.
I suppose I thought that addition would lead to subtraction; I thought that by adding a partner, I would be subtracting anxiety. In fact, adding a partner added their struggles and difficulties to my own. There's nothing simple about the arithmetic. Whenever you add, you add complexity.
This is not to say that I have regrets. I guess this initial post is really just a recognition of the fact that a lot of us face what we feel is a solitary struggle, and sometimes we think the solution is out there for someone to simply gift us with it. We want the solutions to be simple. We want someone to take the problem away. But, the world is more complex than that, and the solutions are never simple. The strength we gain in numbers comes with the commitment we have to make to give back to that network of people to help them with their own troubles. My wife has helped me face a lot of my own problems with anxiety, but the struggle is still there and has taken on a new dimension because I, in turn, have to help her deal with her own. And, that's difficult. Just as it's difficult for us, as a community of similarly afflicted individuals separated by screens and distance, to share of ourselves while needing the sharing of others to keep moving forward.
I'm here and willing to be your +1, of the occasion. But, can you be mine?
Besides the obvious, for some reason, even though I don't like ice cream, all I want is hot fudge sundaes and I really really really think I need a lot more sleep than what my body will let me have.
Right now that would make me feel better.
And if the green stuff were legalized for recreational use here. I am not on of the melt-into-the-sofa people. When I do it, it seems to clear away all the fog, all my aches and pains go away, and I actually become focused enough to be productive enough for 3 people's-worth.
I am in a small town and do not feel comfortable speaking to my nurse practicioner about giving me a prescription, not to mention, I would have to drive 10-15 hours and back again to go get it. When I worked, I worked in a job that didn't allow it, so I didn't do it for six years and my depression and quality of life has gone drastically down hill, since. Migraines, and other aches and pains the doctor cannot seem to help me with, including a pain in my feet that he says isn't plantar, but can find no source for it.
On the stuff, no pain, clear head, no anxiety, no munchies, no cigarette cravings...it's amazing, I wish more people understood that.
It does different things for different people, but the controlled stuff that is currently being sold works wonders for me and others I have met.
Two motels, two rental houses, and eight months after the fire, the house is about two weeks from being finished.
I am trying to eat what we have in the house, more beef sliders, mini steaks, lentils, beans, veg breakfast meat, quinoa, barley, pasta, vegetables, dried and fresh fruit.
Did mini steaks and carrots for lunch, bruschetta for second lunch, goulash will be for dinner. Have some baked beans hanging out in the pantry I will be craving and making for tomorrow, I only wish I had brown bread because I don't feel like making it- the baked beans and brown bread make a complete protein like what you find in animal meat. And the aminos I add to stuff doesn't hurt, my landlord is 80, vegan, and left me a ton of proteins and gf flours to get through. It has been so fun to experiment with raw vegan cuisine, so packed with nutrients since it wasn't cooked.
Yesterday was mini steaks with roasted mushrooms and carrots, and open-face tuna/spinach sandwiches. The brownies made partially with almond meal were so physically light, it would be easy to eat a whole pan in one sitting. We made them last four days, I really need to make more. And I haven't made a breakfast pizza in forever, that may end up being move-in day breakfast, a few of them if we get friends to come over and help.
My nails and hair have gotten worse in the past few months since the entire loss of our house and everything we owned. So I found that red meat, apricots, and oily fish and nuts have stuff in them to help. Lunch was pure beef sliders, cooked in grape seed oil, with course salt and red pepper flakes, spinach, cheese, pickles, mustard, ketchup, on dinner rolls; and oven baked potato wedges.
That was a win, spouse and I will do anther round of sliders this weekend, and salmon tacos, and probably salmon sliders. Will also combine dried cranberries, apricots, and mixed nuts as a snack since we will go be social with the dog, and wear medieval clothing (yes, I made the dog a tabard, also), with a group we are part of that recreates activities performed from about 600ad - 1600ad. Also bringing snacks for others, cheese, sausage, crackers, homemade grape jam, dog treats. Will be good for the dog to get out !
a small flower.
Botany. one of the closely clustered small flowers that make up the flower head of a composite flower, as the daisy.
one of the tightly clustered divisions of a head of broccoli or cauliflower.
Also, florette [flaw-ret, floh-] (Show IPA). spun silk obtained from floss.
Printing. flower (def 6).
Origin of floret
1350-1400; Middle English flouret < Old French florete, diminutive of flor flower; see -et
Hello, recently moved to Buffalo, finding a new job, doesn't start until the 28th, so bored nothing to do and the anxiety has been hitting me pretty hard usually starts when I wake up which is very difficult, Started reading a Conversation with God but it seems to have made my anxiety much worse, feel like I've wasted my life, have hypothyroidism, and been fighting depression all my life. Afraid to succeed, have appointment for the doctor on tue and a therapist wed, how am I going to make it? Living with my daughter and had a good chat with her and felt better that night but woke up, and it started all over. I try and stay busy and hike or skate but it's insidious and hits when I least expect it. Tried alot of different things for depression
Thanks for reading my pissing and morning
I had a pretty decent day today. I still had a little bit of an attack but nothing like I normally do. I really think I am on to something by not sitting in front of the computer all day. I actually went out to the store today. I didn't go in but I did drive all the way there and I was pretty close to fine while my wife went in and grabbed some stuff. I played baseball out in the yard with her and my kids today. That is something I wouldn't have even considered doing a week ago. I am moving forward. I ate a good dinner, drank a good amount of liquids and haven't really spent too much time thinking bad thoughts. I had about an hour relapse when it started to get dark and I got a little depressed but I fought through it. I didn't freak out, I stayed decently calm and rode out the attack. I feel okay. Not great, but okay. I can live with okay. My entire house seems a little happier. I'm pretty excited that I can pull it towards the right direction.
Well today is the day that I start limiting my internet usage. I am spending way too much time just sitting here and not enough time living life. I have decided that when I first get on the internet in the morning I am going to set a timer for 100 minutes. Any time that I spend on the internet, the timer will be running. If I walk away from the computer the timer gets shut off. When that time hits 0, I am done with the computer for the day. I wonder if I can do it. I hope I can. I think it will force me to find other things to do with myself and might even help with my anxiety because I won't just be sitting here constantly thinking about it.
I noticed that I wake up in the morning and I already start having bad thoughts. Every morning I tell myself "ugh I don't wanna get out of bed because today is going to be another anxiety filled day." I already start worrying before my feet even hit the floor. Then the day begins and the stress factors kick in. Both kids need diaper changes. They are both usually screaming. The dog needs to go out. Both kids want breakfast. Constant yelling. No one is ever happy. Then the wife gets all flustered and starts yelling at the dog or the older kid to chill out. I just basically sit here super flustered already and the day hardly even started yet. I miss my bed. I start to count the hours until bed time as soon as I wake up. In my bed it is quiet. I am relax. I don't have to worry about pains or problems while I am sleeping. It seems to be the only real peace I get.
Today is the day I try to break the cycle. It all starts with just sitting here and wasting the day. Today I will not do that. It will be different...
I really need to spend more time with my family. I don't really know how else to say it. I spend so much time freaking out. I spend so much time on the computer looking for justification for freaking out. I try to talk to all these people online about my panic attacks. I mean don't get me wrong, I still wholeheartedly believe in reaching out to people and trying to find ways to cope with any problems you might be having. At the end of the day though, the people that should matter the most should be the people in your household. I don't know why I never really noticed that before. I would completely shut my wife out just so that I could be online and google whatever new symptom I had. It's gross. I have someone right here that wants to help me and be there for me and talk me through my bullshit and I would rather completely ignore her and read some article about stomach cramps? What the hell is wrong with me? She needs me to be a husband and a father. She needs me to be her partner and the only thing I am doing right now is ignoring her. I don't know why the hell she stays with me. She has the patients of a saint and I don't give her nearly enough credit. I need to spend less time on the internet. I think I am going to give myself a 90 minute timer from now on and once it is up I am done with the internet for the day. I can't keep acting so fucking selfish. I am really having her do almost everything on her own. I can't believe it took me so long to realize this. I need to get my act together. Soon.
Well I guess it really started last night when I found on my mother had stomach pains. That of course sent me spiraling that I was going to get sick. Well I freaked out about half the night last night that I was going to throw up and blah blah. My usual panic attack is me over worrying about having excessive diareah or vomiting. I never actually throw up and very rarely do I actually have diareah. Well, today I had a lot to do. My alarm went off and I snoozed it. I hate getting out of bed. My bed is so comforting because I seem to never really have any problems or any attacks while I am in it. I don't know if it is because I have tied it into sleeping or if it is just my calm place but for whatever reason I hate leaving the security of my bed. So like I said, I snoozed it. It went off again. I snoozed it again. It got to the point that I HAD to get up or my wife was gonna be late for her appointment. Well the whole way driving her there I was freaking out. Super gassy, super nauseous and afraid that my stomach was going to like explode or something. Well her appointment lasted about 3 hours. The whole time I sat in the car going nuts. Burping every couple seconds, convinced the next one was going to make me throw up. Then the stomach pains came and I was sure that I had a problem with one of my organs.
Well to make a long story short. I came home, I went to the bathroom and now here I am sitting in front of the computer. My stomach pain is roughly 10 times better then it was. I wonder if I was just building myself up because I knew I had to be out for a lot of the day today, or if it was me still worrying about my mom not feeling good. I'm not really sure but what I do know is now that I am home I feel a lot better. Which is good and bad. It shows me that the odds of it being something serious are very small, but it also shows me that I have crippling anxiety that will make it hard to be in any real social situation. Even just thinking about it I get some of the stomach pain back.
It seems like night time is always so hard for me. I feel really really horrible nausea every single night. I get very gassy. I get so afraid that I am going to be in the bathroom for one reason or the other. The past couple nights have been even worse because I found out that my mother has been having some stomach pains and even stayed home from work today. She was at my house yesterday for a couple hours and of course I start to freak out that she has something horrible and she gave it to me. I basically count how many times my wife goes to the bathroom in a day and if I think it is too many I am convinced that she is sick. I count my kids diapers and I count how many times my 2 year old uses the bathroom and if I think that is too much I freak out about that too. I am so concerned about anything stomach related. I get bad tastes in my mouth and I convince myself it is the throw up coming up. I do this almost every night but it is worse if someone is sick or if I feel like I ate something I shouldn't have. I guess it freaks me out the most because it is something very common. Everyone gets sick at some point. Everyone deals with the common cold or the flu. I am just so terrified of vomiting. I don't know why. I never really had a bad experience with it. Hell, I've only done it like 3 times in my entire life. I don't know what it is about it that just scares the crap out of me. The thing is most of the time I don't even feel sick. I just have the intense feeling like I have to poop or like I have to vomit. I never end up doing either. I guess it is part of the fight or flight response. Ugh, I wish I didn't have to do this every night.
I started off about 2 months ago, falling back into the same cycle of anxiety and health worries. I have always been a worrier. No matter if it be about myself or someone else. I am always thinking the worst about everything. Well about 2 months ago I had another spike. I had myself convinced that I had appendicitis and I went nuts for a couple weeks. I didn't eat at all. I didn't sleep. I was crippled by it. I went to urgent care twice and they told me that it was just anxiety and I needed to chill out. Well since then I have chilled out a little. I still have some stomach pains but I can relate them to anxiety. I'm not so much having attacks at this current point but I am constantly worried. My home life is so stressful. I have two young sons, a dog that doesn't listen and my wife is constantly stressed out and on edge. My two year old is ALWAYS screaming his head off about something. The dog is constantly getting into something. Lately the 6 month old has been screaming his head off a lot also. I haven't really been able to help much because of my anxiety and panic attacks. I got taken out of work because of them and now I'm worried about money also. I have been so on edge lately its horrible. Even when I am not having a health issue or an underlining problem I am just so worked up. Loud noises bother me, light bothers me, people in general just bother me. It seems like all I want to do is just sit here and stare at my computer screen all day. My eyes hurt like hell because that is basically all I do anymore. Then I get down on myself because I am not active and that is not healthy. I also feel like crap because I haven't really been helping my wife much at all lately. I don't know what to do. It just seems like everything is bothering me. Everything that happens I have an issue with. I've had like no patients for my kids at all. Every temper tantrum just seems to go right threw me and I have to walk away or go outside or just escape. I feel so bad that I am pinning all of this on my wife. I wish I could help. I wish I could be okay. I am just so down on myself lately. It just feels like nothing matters and like nothing is ever going to get better. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing makes everything okay. Nothing seems to work. I just wake up, look at the computer all damn day, eat something (maybe) and then go to bed. That has been my schedule for the past 2-3 weeks.
This week has been hard for me. I have been seeing my current BF for 6 months now. He knows about my anxiety, but I don't like to show it to him all the time. I love being able to talk to him about it because he makes me feel safe, but I also do not want to scare him off with it. He loves me unconditionally, but I also have an understanding that explaining anxiety to a person that does not have it over and over again can get pretty frustrating to the other person. i am trying to find the fine line between feeling supported and being over the top. I have not been over the top, but the past two weeks my health anxiety has peeked and I am constantly thinking about it. I want to talk to him about it, but I know he is running out of things to say because he doesn't understand. I am hoping that writing my thoughts down and possibly hearing from others could help curb my need to talk to others in my life that may not understand.
Hi everybody ! I did a blog wich talk about getting the control of anxiety. It is in french but you can use google translation. I will be thankfull to you to visit my blog and also give ideas if you want.
Thank you !
When I was young, my father was rough with me. I think a part of me was scared of him even if I love him a lot. My mom was eager I quit home live with my partner, because she knowed it would be better for me. She was right, but I didn't feel a lot happier. I continued beeing stressfull even when my situation was a lot better. One day, my psychologist explained me my brain was not accustomed to peace of mind. Even today, I realize I have to work on this, I mean, trying to accustom to joy and news situations. If it is your case too, maybe like me, you don't realize that what you have right know is exactly what you wished. Hope this part of life can help some. Have a nice day !
Well... It's been a few months since I started dating him and some say we moved too fast but we are engaged and trying to enjoy all that it brings. It's hard though when I spend so much time feeling out of control. Then I start to hate myself for bothering him when he fights his own anxiety and depression. I just want to know what it's like to not feel guilty about being happy or standing up for myself for something I truly want. Most of all I need to learn to not feel like I'm bothering him since my whole life he has helped me fight this war.
I wanted to share something going on with me that is separate from my anxiety/panic/depression. (The story of why I have anxiety/panic/depression does not seem like an important detail to tell. I only want to share the journey of recovery.) For a few years now I've had trouble with my lower back. Nothing too serious (so I thought). If I began to feel pain I would just take it easy for a few days and treat it with rest, ice, and Aleve. BUT about a month or so ago, right after my anxiety/panic returned, I woke up with excruciating pain down my whole left leg. I couldn't feel my toes or outside of my left foot. I could barely walk. I started taking heavy doses of Motrin and using ice, but it was no use. I figured the pain would eventually subside but it wouldn't let up. Finally I went to my doc and they kind of down played it, thinking I was just being sensitive. They sent me for Xrays and put me on a prescription strength Aleve (naproxen). They also put in a request for an MRI. Long story short they rejected my MRI 3 times. I went back my Doc for a different problem and I told him the problem was persisting. I received a referral to the spine specialist. Finally the specialist got me and MRI and I began physical therapy. Well, yesterday I saw the specialist to go over the results...it's not good. I have two herniated discs. One of which is so degenerated that there is practically no disc between the vertebrae. The disc is laying onto of the sciatic nerve completely covering it. If that isn't repaired, I could have permanent damage of the nerve forever. Which means numb foot for the rest of my life. (Oh, did I mention I am a dance teacher for a living so MOVING is my livelihood?) He said he may have to do surgery! I DO NOT WANT SURGERY! I don't want to take any narcotics because it messes with my anxiety. So for now, I will continue PT and they're going to give me cortisol shots! Yuck. And if that doesn't work I will get "minimally invasive" surgery to shave down the disc off the nerve. I'm in a lot of pain and I'm very upset because this is a lifelong problem and I am only 24. I'm scared it will ruin my career. I can't run, lunge, or squat. So my gym activity is very very limited. This is exacerbating my anxiety/panic because it is an additional stressor that affects my overall attitude plus increases my levels of tension in the body. Now I am seeing two types of therapists...a cognitive behavioral therapists and a physical therapist. I am not a healthy girl right now and I am frustrated and scared. I'm putting so much effort into getting better it exhausts me. My social life has suffered a lot but I everyone is telling me that I HAVE to take care of myself right now and put ME first. I have difficulty with that. If anyone is reading this, did you ever experience a significant injury like mine? How did you overcome it? Did it make your anxiety worse? How did you cope?
Thanks for the read. Sorry to ramble.
The relationship between God and anxiety is actually very complex. Some people see turning to God as a way to gaining strength against anxiety disorders, and use their religion as their primary source of coping.
My husband has been suffering from anxiety for three years now and because of this he was not able to work for one year. I know that there are people out there who have suffered for much longer. But, no matter how long one has suffered, you know the toll it takes on your life and the lives of the people who love you!
Every time my husband had an attack, we would have to make a trip to the emergency room. These visits took place at least once a week sometimes, two or three times a week! After about three months of this, I would try to convince him that he was not dying and he needed to calm down. But, there was no convincing him of that! His chest would hurt, he couldn’t breathe, and he was convinced that he was having a heart attack. It got to the point where I was growing more and more tired of the ER and the ER was tired of seeing my husband for the same thing time and time again. I got so bad, that after a while, it seems that they were going through the motions when treating him because they just could not convince him that he had yet ANOTHER ANXIETY ATTACK!! Now, this was not helping him and I was not helping him either by getting frustrated and angry because here we go on ANOTHER TRIP TO THE ER!! Our relationship was suffering because of this. Something different had to been done!
Yes, he did eventually come to terms with the ideas that he does have anxiety and eventually went to see a physiatrist. The physiatrist put him on medication and I can say that it did help. But, there was still something missing in his recovery. This is what prompt us look to God…
Christianity teaches that belief and strength are a great way to support your own mental health, and that it's your duty to take care of your emotions
God helps people who believe to overcome anxiety because the core of anxiety is fear. People with anxiety fear the unknown and the belief that the unknown cannot be controlled. Beliefs in God and what he teaches will help promote less anxiety, because what he teaches runs directly with the issues that cause anxiety.
In the bible, it says fear of the unknown shows a lack of faith in God. If you're allowing yourself to be overcome by anxiety and fear, then you are showing lack of faith and trust in God. If you trust in God, the future is nothing to fear. God also teaches that death is nothing to fear. In fact, life lived in God’s plan is a promise to eternal life. Believing in God is about having faith in him and his plans for you. Having complete trust helps in managing anxiety.
Over a month ago I finally let go of one of my biggest fears about losing my best friend and took the leap that brought him and I to the point we are now in a very happy relationship. I have known him quiet literally for 20 years and he has always been by my side and has seen my darker days and I have seen his. He knows when I am somewhere that could cause a problem before I say a word and with a simple touch reminds me I'm not alone and he will be there if I need him. We both know that no matter what we are facing we are no longer fighting it alone because there is nothing that the other one can face that scares us. We are completely in sync and are able to know how the other one is feeling or what they are thinking without saying anything.