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  • MrsRoryFromRunrig

    Why Make A Blog?

    By MrsRoryFromRunrig

    Why should one make a blog? There are a number of reasons to why making a blog is great, the advantages are: 1 - Relieves Stress 2 - Can help others 3 - Preach what YOU care about 4 - You have control 5 - It can actually turn into a business (like Cake Wrecks). There are a couple of disadvantages though: 1- Research, can take up time and not always be correct, always double check. 2 - People may read what you see as light hearted chat as to be someth
    • 0 comments
    • 636 views
  • Gilly

    So, here we are. And a big thank you!!

    By Gilly

    January 2012. The past year has been eventful to say the least. Met some amazing people, had some bad times, some great times, some frustrating times but lots of laughs too. And now I find myself in charge of a site. Just how did that happen? lol It's never been my intention. I love to help people, in helping people, I help myself. I've said in the past, if it came down to it, I would be willing to do something. I guess I didn't really think it would happen, but here we are! It's a shame th
    • 4 comments
    • 850 views
 

Gap

A gap resides between where I want to be and where I am!  This gap is a continuation of where I was as a child!   I had plans and wanted to work hard at those plans;  generally in school; and do well!  That did not happen; I was not allowed to!  I wont go into the details!  However,  as I feel and become more freed up as a person;  I am interested in continuing where I left off as a child!  I have to reconnect!  I seems that the ages of 9-10- 11-12-13;  these years must be healed and new informa

omnicell

omnicell

 

Making friends; I've never had any

Unfortune hit me when young and I was thrown away!  I did not get the life I had planned on!   Now, Im slowly coming back;  slowly learning how to come  back!  I never had any friends and no one in the family systems I was forced to live with; they were all bad people;  strangers!  The whole experience was a giant nightmare; everything!   .  Here I am now!  The kids I knew when young; I didnt really , know, I was never really accepted by anyone; but did not know it!  I was led on by a

omnicell

omnicell

 

The feeling of cold marble

3 years ago my nephew died. He was two years old and it was the biggest shock my family has ever had to deal with.  And today he finally got the white marble headstone he deserves x I won’t go into a lot of detail but a lot of my family, including myself, went through counselling. It took four months for anyone to get round to seeing us, that’s just how long it takes apparently.  My mum, sister and brother (who’s child we lost) benefitted quite a bit, they felt they could vent and

I’llbefineintheend

I’llbefineintheend

 

Doctors

I hate going to the doctors.  Not only do they bring out all sorts of anxiety symptons when I have to make an appointment and attend the appointment. I always leave feeling worse off then I did before I see them.  Now, I respect these people beyond anything in the world. They work around the clock. They save lives. They get little to no credit. And we expect them to fix us when we don’t even know what is going on ourselves. In that light, I love doctors and it’s why I force myself to s

I’llbefineintheend

I’llbefineintheend

 

Zaps and Tingles

Leading up to an attack I’ve noticed some signs.  A few days before my chest will begin to get tight and I’ll get zaps. Which are what I can only describe as quick waves of anxiety that flush through my body that make my throat constrict, mouth go dry, catch my breath and quicken my heart. I actually get zaps nearly everyday and I never acknowledged them coz I didn’t think they were anything, just thought they were my body being weird!  Last week however I had a night time anxiety atta

I’llbefineintheend

I’llbefineintheend

 

The First Attack

So it all happened quite out of the blue! And it’s a bit complicated, so I’ll start from the very beginning. The summer of 2017 I developed hay fever, which is not uncommon, especially since it runs in my family. My bodies reaction to the hay fever included some asthma like symptons and I was told by doctors that I had Asthma as well. A shock, since I’d never suffered from it before.  So when summer was over I thought I would be fine, no more hay fever symptoms, no more Asthma because the h

I’llbefineintheend

I’llbefineintheend

 

Schooling

I completely missed out on all schooling!  From the day I was born; I was being marginalized and used!  exploited!  When in the first years of schooling;  nursery school,  first grade!  I had goals and plans!  I wanted to do great things!  I did not realize no one cared!  I thought I had support back then; I did not!  no one cared!  I was completely alone and didnt know it!   .  My schooling would start falling apart in the second grade;  I would have to take summer school in the secon

omnicell

omnicell

 

Dealing with idiots and other things

At times;  I have to remember;  Im in the recovery process; and as long as Im in this recovery process; Im dealing with  Immature people!  These are people that think they can get away with using me!  They simply think Im a loser who they have contempt for!  They think they are better or superior and yet play a manipulation charm roll with me!  They have nothing but contempt using others to make themselves feel superior!  unfortunately,  I feel I need the recovery places!  If I interact with the

omnicell

omnicell

 

Women

A journey and a gap reside between me and women and the adolescent time period and my father and bullies!  They are all rapped into this!  One after the other controlling me before I get a chance to grow and develop!  I never get a chance to become myself!  Its hard felt,  all of this because Im being thrown away at this point when Im young and I dont know it!  but the people Im living with know it and know what their doing and they've planned it this way!   Im so naive during this period I

omnicell

omnicell

 

The past; bullying and schooling

In my past;  I was completely wiped out as a human being!  actually totally destroyed!  When I came back or had to leave or left a bad situation where I was not wanted;  I was living with a group of people; a family I was not wanted in!  I had been a throw away long before this and had to leave!  I was in more shock and more shock and more shock!  I had always gone through bulling since young!  but it really hit about the 6th grade!  Thats when it started to show up!    .  When I was i

omnicell

omnicell

 

Minimalism

So, last spring I decided to try something new. The junk in my drawers mixed with loads of leftover stuff from my childhood started to get a but too much. I thought about it all the time and then I started to look into minimalism. I thought it would be a hard and anxious process sorting and giving everything away, but it was actually pretty liberating. I guess part of that is a feeling of control, but letting go of all the obligations I felt to my stuff really opened up my life. Now I can h

emzi

emzi

 

Update

Well, it's been a while. Nice to start typing again even if I'm not sure who will read it. I hate to do all these entries when I'm not doing well but it's those times I need to the most. Finals are coming up pretty fast now. I thought I was ok with everything but for some reason it's starting to creep in again. Quite a few times in the last couple weeks I've been too anxious to drive and I've had to ask for a lot of help which I hate. Plus, help has always been unreliable for me. Often

emzi

emzi

 

Getting hooked into memories; things are making sense

Im starting to understand!  Im in the same area I grew up in!  I understand why God brought me here!  I was abandon out of this neighborhood at a very young age and never knew it was coming!  the people who did this;  they knew!  Now,  after much recovery work;  Im coming back onto my own!  I lived in the neighborhood and I was destroyed out it!  To go back into it is unbelievable!  I was and am erased from ever being their; this was my family home!  my only known way of life!  Now, Im able to w

omnicell

omnicell

 

Women

Women;  getting close,  approaching,  talking,  interacting!  I already know what the answer is;  but then it leads back to my apartment and my personal life!  And Im going to have to work on that as well;  and that really freaks me out!   And meeting new women really freaks me out!  I dont feel good enough; and I have to do something about it!  Im an intelligent man with an education;  I went nuts,  they put me on social security disability, as they should have!  Im getting better,  Im lucky to

omnicell

omnicell

 

Learning how to stand up for myself and what I believe

The next big move for me is to rid myself of the bullies of the past!  When I was a kid;  I watched TV; it was all I had!  In the Tv shows;  you never saw the bullies!  You saw kids going to school and coming home!  But in real life, with no more father;  no protection, no more family,. completely alone!  Bullies come out from everywhere,  their like sharks and your a piece of meat in the water!  they find you, no matter what neighborhood your in!  You cant go out freely and play or be apart of

omnicell

omnicell

 

My Relationship

I’m new to talking about...”It”...but my therapist suggested that I find a group of forum to talk to others who may understand...well...me.   I apologize if a blog isn’t the place to do this.  I’m the new girl.  But I need somewhere to unload...lol.  I was officially diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in March.  But I have been struggling with it for a few years now. I hate everything about it.  I hate the person that it makes me become.  My anxiety makes me an incredibly insecure

anj1030

anj1030

 

So like might know about saw on LeBron Zoom Soldier 11

When Kobe Bryant just gone through Paris smacking a kiss towards fans of nike online store uk the orange ball in the Hexagon, Nike does besides use it as a sandwich man every one corners of Europe but additionally shifts new colors intended for his pumps, the Kobe AD Mid. So like might know about saw on LeBron Zoom Soldier 11 or PG JUST ONE, Kobe A. D. Mid landed in African american / Gum version towards the end of October. From this kind of rather classic theme, Nike is founded on a black suede

letdowns

letdowns

 

new adidas shoes uk Pharrell inimitable aesthetic towards the range

adidas Originals in addition to Pharrell Williams present the newest chapter in their collaborative Hu string for Fall/Winter 2017, this time turning their own attentions to LA hiking culture including a retro outdoors aesthetic to create a selection of new footwear and outfits designs. The latest selection continues the playful, irreverent identity presented in adidas Originals previous collaborations with adidas trainers sale Pharrell, accenting practical outdoor clothing designs along with po

letdowns

letdowns

 

shoe gods about at Nike have heard every sneakerhead

It is usually time to start settling set for winter, but that doesn’t mean we can’t savor a lush floral print. Case in point? These expertly-crafted Nike Weather Force 1 sneakers, custom-made intended for G-Dragon. The shoes was created by designer Fakesickness alias KB Lee, previously of California brand Undefeated which posted the sneakers to nike shoes sale uk his Instagram, providing an up-close and personal look at what he has dubbed the actual Flower Road edition. This bright floral print

letdowns

letdowns

 

Changes

Asian-soulmate!   I have a friend of mine; we were looking at a magazine at the store!   he gasped as he grabbed the newest version of motor cycle madness or something like that;  and on the cover is a cool chopper with the Asian sexy hot California beauty!  When looking at her,  he's eyes crawled over the pages gazing at her hard sweet body!  No fat,  lean, in shape, muscular;  fit!  beautiful form and poise!  He wanted her because of her exoticness and flash!  To him; she was a cover girl

omnicell

omnicell

 

Change childhood thinking to present thinking

Im changing my childhood thinking to present thinking!  The child in me is waking up and moving!  Their is movement in my childhood!  In my childhood thinking!   .  I've got another part of me;  the childhood!  This is a separate entity!  This has a life of its own!  the more this child moves forward, grows and learns,  the better off I am and the more puzzling questions are suddenly answered!  The best thing I can do for myself is fix my childhood and get that childhood to wake up and

omnicell

omnicell

 

Happy

The goal is happiness!  The goal is happiness without the help of others from the original life I came from!  I would like a dream life;  I would like to dream my life up and go after it and believe its possible and never look back;  and my hatred for the past;  this is possible!  I never wanted to hate the past; but its happening!  Im learning that the past was a giant furnace of fire and I was in it;  I was 2 young to know the difference!    .  Its hard when your completely neglected

omnicell

omnicell